nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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