i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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