let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
