She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
