he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
birth control should be required to get into college
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
