I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
