Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
