just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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