No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
