it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
