i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
