it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
