I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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