Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
