Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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