sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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