Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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