She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
