I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
