Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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