super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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