I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
