He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
