piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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