i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
