WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
