; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
