I am in a vortex of obligation.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
