It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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