so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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