I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
