i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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