it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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