Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
