last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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