You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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