Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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