So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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