omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
