I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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