I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I intend to get homeless drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
