Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
