You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
