There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
