your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
