This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
