i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
