I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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