I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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