He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
don't judge my taste in strippers
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
