Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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