i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
