I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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