spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
this hospital has no fireball
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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