THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
