I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
