sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
