You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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