we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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