god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
