I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
