Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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