I'm so fucking centered right now
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
